Round Table

A Gathering Place for Comedy Writers and Performers

Contest

Joke Writing Competition #2:

“Words to Live By”

And the winners are…

 

1st Place

Don’t do unto others what you wouldn’t want to be sued over. – Sergiu Floroaia

Second Place

I used to think mother-in-law jokes were funny until I became one.  -- Dorothea Helms

Third Place

People with low self-esteem waste a tremendous amount of time at four-way stop signs.

 – Andy Lester

 

Honorable Mentions

· Americans don’t want instant gratification anymore, it takes too long. – Phillip Tilley

 

· There’s a lot of talk about young people “slipping down the ladder of social mobility,” how about all the old folks “stepping on the rake of retirement planning.” – Andy Lester

 

· If your pants are on fire, being a liar is the least of your problems. – Gary Hicks

Congratulations to everyone who participated.  The overall comments we received were that picking only three favorites was difficult, so well done everyone.

 

A man without flaws would be a woman. – Phillip Tilley

      

When you stop looking down on people, people begin to look up to you.  – Phillip Tilley

 

Some people always want something for nothing, and they have so much nothing to offer. – Phillip Tilley

      

Working too hard will make you go blind.  It must, because everywhere I go people tell me they are too busy to see me. – Phillip Tilley

 

Jobs are a lot like marriage.  Once you’ve been in them for a long time you realize nobody else would have you.           -- Phillip Tilley           

 

The pen is mightier than the sword – unless you’ve run out of ink. – Gene Olimpo

 

Forever is a long time, especially near the end. – Phillip Tilley

 

Most people are like an onion, when you peel back the layers it will make you cry. –Phillip Tilley

 

A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.  In other words, never let Grandpa play anchor in a game of Tug of War. – Gene Olimpo

 

The other day I was reading a book on health tips.  I learned I may need glasses.  – Phillip Tilley

 

I was going to spend money like there was no tomorrow but I found out my wife did that yesterday. – Phillip Tilley

 

If you look into the laser in science class you will be the brightest pupil, if only for a second. – Phillip Tilley

 

A little of what you fancy does you good – unless you fancy arsenic. – Gene Olimpo

 

Do you ever wonder why people ask rhetorical questions?        -- Phillip Tilley

 

When you’re feeling down and you don’t know which way to go, up is a good direction. – Phillip Tilley  

 

Some people are dying to live while other people are living to die.     -- Phillip Tilley

 

To error is human, but to blame that error on someone else is even more human. – Phillip Tilley

 

Athletes that refuse to take a shower after an event will always be nothing more than rank amateurs. – Phillip Tilley

 

If you’re over 30 and still trying to find yourself, you’re probably the only one looking. – Tom Padovano

 

Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration.  So if you’re a genius, you better stock up on deodorant. – Gene Olimpo

 

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; show him how to catch fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.  But what if he hates fish? – Gene Olimpo

 

Rich people serve a purpose, poor people serve someone else’s purpose.  – Phillip Tilley

 

You make more progress in life by moving yourself forward instead of holding someone else back. – Phillip Tilley

 

Sometimes circumstances force us to do what we should have been doing all along. – Phillip Tilley

 

There is no such thing as a born loser.  You have to work at it. – Tony Martini

 

If you can’t tell the good guys from the bad guys you’re probably looking at Congress. – Phillip Tilley

 

Most people want to live a long time, but they don’t want to look like they have lived a long time. – Phillip Tilley

 

The status quo is what everyone thinks they are not.             -- Tony Martini

 

Sometimes in life it’s not that you’re doing anything wrong, it’s that you’re wrong for not doing anything. – Phillip Tilley

 

Blessed are the geek…for they shall repair your computer. – Tony Martini

 

Life is not a race, and if it were would you really want to finish first? – Phillip Tilley

 

As anyone in a bad marriage will tell you, it’s better to have loved and lost. – Gary Hicks

 

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.  The bird begs to differ. – Gary Hicks

 

Everybody wants to be captain, until it’s time to go down with the ship. – Gary Hicks

 

How many roads must a man walk down, before he asks for directions? – Gary Hicks

 

They say, “Work smarter not harder.”  As it turned out working harder was smarter. – Phillip Tilley

 

Children are like the chickenpox virus.  You break out, the virus goes dormant for 30 years, and then it returns with a vengeance. – Eileen Whitmore

 

It’s not a good idea to shoo flies when you’re at an auction.             -- Doug Johnson

 

Never let religion get in the way of a relationship with God.         -- Betsy Waid

 

We wanted the lines to stand on their own so we omitted the names of the writers with the lines, but we will credit the writers after the voting period is over, so be sure to check back.

 

 

 

This contest has ended, but we are already making plans for the next event.  So be sure to check back for details.