Round Table

A Gathering Place for Comedy Writers and Performers


We currently don’t have any contests underway, but be sure to check back in the future.


In the meantime, consider contributing to Perrets’ Humor Files and get paid for your lines.  You can find the humor page at  Send us an email at to get a copy of the guidelines and release.


Congratulations to everyone who participated.  The overall comments we received were that picking only three favorites was difficult, so well done everyone.


A man without flaws would be a woman. – Phillip Tilley


When you stop looking down on people, people begin to look up to you.  – Phillip Tilley


Some people always want something for nothing, and they have so much nothing to offer. – Phillip Tilley


Working too hard will make you go blind.  It must, because everywhere I go people tell me they are too busy to see me. – Phillip Tilley


Jobs are a lot like marriage.  Once you’ve been in them for a long time you realize nobody else would have you.           -- Phillip Tilley           


The pen is mightier than the sword – unless you’ve run out of ink. – Gene Olimpo


Forever is a long time, especially near the end. – Phillip Tilley


Most people are like an onion, when you peel back the layers it will make you cry. –Phillip Tilley


A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.  In other words, never let Grandpa play anchor in a game of Tug of War. – Gene Olimpo


The other day I was reading a book on health tips.  I learned I may need glasses.  – Phillip Tilley


I was going to spend money like there was no tomorrow but I found out my wife did that yesterday. – Phillip Tilley


If you look into the laser in science class you will be the brightest pupil, if only for a second. – Phillip Tilley


A little of what you fancy does you good – unless you fancy arsenic. – Gene Olimpo


Do you ever wonder why people ask rhetorical questions?        -- Phillip Tilley


When you’re feeling down and you don’t know which way to go, up is a good direction. – Phillip Tilley  


Some people are dying to live while other people are living to die.     -- Phillip Tilley


To error is human, but to blame that error on someone else is even more human. – Phillip Tilley


Athletes that refuse to take a shower after an event will always be nothing more than rank amateurs. – Phillip Tilley


If you’re over 30 and still trying to find yourself, you’re probably the only one looking. – Tom Padovano


Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration.  So if you’re a genius, you better stock up on deodorant. – Gene Olimpo


Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; show him how to catch fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.  But what if he hates fish? – Gene Olimpo


Rich people serve a purpose, poor people serve someone else’s purpose.  – Phillip Tilley


You make more progress in life by moving yourself forward instead of holding someone else back. – Phillip Tilley


Sometimes circumstances force us to do what we should have been doing all along. – Phillip Tilley


There is no such thing as a born loser.  You have to work at it. – Tony Martini


If you can’t tell the good guys from the bad guys you’re probably looking at Congress. – Phillip Tilley


Most people want to live a long time, but they don’t want to look like they have lived a long time. – Phillip Tilley


The status quo is what everyone thinks they are not.             -- Tony Martini


Sometimes in life it’s not that you’re doing anything wrong, it’s that you’re wrong for not doing anything. – Phillip Tilley


Blessed are the geek…for they shall repair your computer. – Tony Martini


Life is not a race, and if it were would you really want to finish first? – Phillip Tilley


As anyone in a bad marriage will tell you, it’s better to have loved and lost. – Gary Hicks


A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.  The bird begs to differ. – Gary Hicks


Everybody wants to be captain, until it’s time to go down with the ship. – Gary Hicks


How many roads must a man walk down, before he asks for directions? – Gary Hicks


They say, “Work smarter not harder.”  As it turned out working harder was smarter. – Phillip Tilley


Children are like the chickenpox virus.  You break out, the virus goes dormant for 30 years, and then it returns with a vengeance. – Eileen Whitmore


It’s not a good idea to shoo flies when you’re at an auction.             -- Doug Johnson


Never let religion get in the way of a relationship with God.         -- Betsy Waid


This contest has ended, but we are already making plans for the next event.  So be sure to check back for details.