Vote by emailing us (at info@comedywritersroom.com) the numbers of your 1st, 2nd and 3rd favorite lines…in that order. We will tally the scores. The writer of the top line will receive $100, 2nd place gets $50, and 3rd gets $25!

Here are the Finalists:

1. I’m big into fitness and martial arts, I know Jujitsu, Kung-Fu and am expert in Tiramisu. Andy Laidler 

 

2. My doctor told me to lay off the carburetors. Ron Beau

 

3. I don’t invest in anything without doing my Due Dalliance on it, first. Tom McHugh – Honorable Mention

 

4. “Oh beautiful voracious skies.” Gary Hicks

 

5. “Our crooked senator proves that oil and honor don’t mix.” Michael Bass

 

6. “I went to Canada to search for Big Foot, and found some huge tracks that led into a cave. I texted my friends, ‘I’m in Canada, and I’ve found Saskatchewan!” Michael Bass

 

7. Penetration is the sincerest form of flattery. Michael Bass

 

8. Those who do not learn from History are doomed to retweet it. Robert Williams Honorable Mention

 

9. “He partied too much to be first in his class, but he did get to be the saloonatorian.” Michael Bass

 

10. “The scariest spider I ever saw was big, hairy tarantella.” Jeff Brawer

 

11. “I’m going to date her a few more times.  Familiarity breeds consent.” Michael Bass

 

12. “We panhandlers stay away from Indiana. Beggars can’t be Hoosiers.” Michael Bass Honorable Mention

 

13. People at the pool were doing swan dives and Jackknife dives and cannibals. Gary Hicks

 

14. There are many ways to make coffee: drip, French press, cold brew. For me, I prefer a perspirater. Gary Hicks

 

15. I’m so hungry I could eat a hearse! Gary Hicks

 

16. Am I in love, or is it just Inflatulation? Tom McHugh

 

17. My lawyer advised me to plead the Fifth Commandment. Tom McHugh

 

18. The young queen rode to Westminster Abbey for her chlorination. Gary Hicks

 

19. “I don’t want to catch that virus from China or Europe or wherever, and have to be foreigntined.” Michael Bass

 

20. “I have to sit through the trial of as jewel thief because my doctor wouldn’t get me out of jewelry duty.” Michael Bass

 

21. “Reverend Smith’s prayer droned on and on. He’s proof that a preacher is worth a thousand words.” Michael Bass

 

22. Fortune favors the bald. Keri Kelly

 

23. “My wife broke her leg and had to be taken to the hospital in a speeding ambience.” Jeff Brawer

 

24. Many soldiers were killed by custard gas. Gary Hicks

 

25. After the Cubs traded away most of their championship team, you couldn’t tell the players without a snore card. Gary Hicks